Restarting :

Restarting . Now that's been hard . Restarting . Emotionally , mentally . Restarting . Building yourself back up . Restarting . Trying to figure out what you did wrong . Restarting . Going back and forth . Restarting . Stopping . Restarting . Thinking . Restarting . 

Waiting . There's nothing to do .

Restarting .
There's everything to do . Restarting . You're drained . Restarting . Quitting ? Restarting ? Not an option . 

Restarting .

Dying . . .

Restarting . Working . Restarting . Stopping . Restarting . 
Stopping . Restarting . Stopping .

Restarting . Recharging .
Continuing .
Moving .
Thinking .
Thinking . Thinking . Thinking .

Waiting .
Working .

Continuing .

Listening . Feeling .

Continuing .

Healing-

Chamrousse, Grenoble

After talking about the hardships that I've had in the past few weeks while being abroad, I want to try and and make this entry a happier one or at least on a more uplifting topic. I want to talk about 'healing'. Some choices that I made to help myself get out of the ditch that I was in. First thing, 'music'. I don't know about you, but for me music is a giant healer. Whether it's an uplifting song or a sad-ish song that seems to correlate with the mood that I'm in at that moment, music, to me, is a healthy way to let me think or release and reassure myself that what I'm feeling, my emotions, are okay, it is not a bad thing to feel. Second thing, 'exercising'. Running is my thing. I enjoy blasting my music and

taking time out of my day just for myself; a chance to release in a safe manner or fashion. However, it doesn't have to be running. Simply taking walks, sitting in a café, daydreaming outside, can provide the time needed to reflect and get over yourself. Lastly, 'friendship' or 'people'. As much as I like to work things out myself, confiding in someone definitely works a lot faster. It's not even that I have to talk about the situation, but grabbing coffee or food and enjoying the company of others can make you feel happy or happier.

Chamrousse, Grenoble

While it may possibly be the warm Spring weather that's helping, becoming content with yourself is a feeling unlike another. It's a very warm and whole feeling in my opinion. It's very comfortable. In my case it goes hand-in-hand with the things that I want to design. To me, being comfortable enough to portray the emotions of what I'm feeling and partnering that with with a song and then putting that all together in a stage design that consumes the audience. 

AND CATHARSIS IS EVERYWHERE....!

*sigh....yes this is what I dream of.

Anyway, without getting too too deep into things, I just wanted to share this because everyone deserves to be happy and everyone deserves to know how special they are.

Difficulties Abroad- There are Some...

Grenoble,France

So I'm at the  halfway point of my travel abroad experience and it HAS been a great experience. So many new things all at once; the differences between the American culture and the French culture, and all of the amazing people have been able to meet. What an adventure.

While there are a bunch of fabulous things that happen when studying abroad, the reality of the situation is that not everything is going to go perfectly each day. I understand that sounds like a very obvious statement, however it becomes different when you're actually put into the position. But the point of this article today is not to complain about all of the troubles and hardships that I have had in the past few weeks, but to state the conclusions that have developed from those hard times.

For these past two weeks everything seemed to be getting harder instead of easier. I would fail, pick myself back up, fail even harder after that, and then sort of pick my self back up. Then the next day, get punched down three times harder than the day before, and then have barely any energy to continue through the rest of the day with a smile on my face. I was in a hole. A hole that was pretty deep and while back at home I always had people around me that I could hit up and ask to speak to, here I don't have close friends who I feel comfortable enough to open up to and I'm not the type of person to exactly tell my parents that I'm having a hard time abroad....because they're worried enough as it is that I'm not in the country....

So I really didn't know what to do and I was crashing. Luckily, I recently had a discussion over some breakfast and coffee with a friend who is also studying abroad at the same university, but with a different group. I explained to him how I was feeling and basically his advice helped me a lot. It didn't give me this universal right answer, but it gave me what I needed, encouragement. 

The fact of the matter is that things are never easy and most likely things are going to get harder, not easier. And some times the case is going to be that you're already going to be down and broken and then something/someone else is going to come along and knock you down lower than you thought you could ever be. What do you do?

You get back up and limp away with what you have left.

For me this means, doing things. I realized that I haven't been doing anything like I would do back home. I wasn't drawing, not as organized as I was before. But somehow I'm turning my energy to those things that I like doing. I guess it's like a form of therapy....I don't really know, but yeah. While I'm not 100% healed, I'm choosing to not stay down, but do something about what I'm feeling because that's what I know. To put what I'm feeling into the things that I do. My passion.

A Page from My Journal-

Annecy, France

<< So I haven't written in awhile, but this past week was pretty awesome and I hope that I can continue to have weeks such as this. The only thing is that I hope that I find some type of theatre or someone I can assist because right now I'm losing my mind. I have to keep myself occupied and unfortunately a lot of my preoccupation is with homework. But I'm trying to keep up with other things and lately I've been thinking about my future. Ugh...My poor, poor future. I want to do so much and its necessary that I do a lot because where I want to be, along with my occupation of choice, I really have to take risks and hope, pray, that everything works out. But I want my art to be out there as well.

Annecy, France

I'm really not certain, but I think I'm getting this European thing. It's really weird. Don't get me wrong, I'm still not perfect at the language, nor have I accomplished anything dramatic or had a giant epiphany that has changed my whole life for the better, but I think I have become a little bit more comfortable with life here. While things are still hard and there are challenges I have yet to face it's amazing how comfortable I felt in one moment. In that moment everything was like, "okay, I get it", everything was okay. "Look at your life right now and realize how blessed you are"! So taking this back to my future, I think that if I want to keep living this type of lifestyle and having these types of experiences, all the more reason to work harder, all the more reason to endure and pick yourself up when you're down. And all the more reason to try. I saw a quote today on PINTEREST today that was supposedly said by Steve Jobs, "There is no reason not to follow your heart". And I think I agree. Give me one GOOD reason why I shouldn't. >>

Sincerely,

Reiko Huffman

Paris. My thing.

So I went to Paris, as you all know and it was great. Tiring, but great. 

Eiffel Tower

In total, I got to see Versailles, the Musée d'Orsay, and the Eiffel Tower. Everything was wonderful and the experience was great. The only thing was for some reason I didn't think it was that big, therefore, when I was shown that the Eiffel Tower isn't right next to the Arc de Triumph, which isn't next to the Musée d'Orsay, which isn't next to Champs-Elysées, I was definitely thrown off a little, but it was all good. 

Les Escargot

The reason I don't have much to say about Paris is because I was only there for 3 days and in those three days I only got to do those 3 things because again Paris is huge...So everything that I got to see was amazing, but boy, all I can say is plan ahead. One of the things that was pretty incredible was the fact that both in Versailles and at the Musée d'Orsay it was remarkable to realize that you were seeing the original works. I mean, of course they have been restored many times, but other than it what you were looking at was the very original canvas which the artist had begun painting on. So when walking into Versailles and seeing the original paintings and SOME of the original furniture was so cool. I say SOME of the original furniture in Versailles because after the revolution much of the furniture was sold and so much of it is lost or y'know NOT in France at Versailles. Anyways, the same thing goes for being at the Musée d'Orsay. Seeing the original works of the impressionists and Van Gogh was pretty awesome. 

Hall of Mirrors

Personally, I'm more of a Paris person because I love the city, hence why I chose Seattle University, but it also has that city feel to it, where you have the more affluent part, but you also have the underground street style which is AWESOME! I feel like I could fit in there...If you get my feels.

Now, I am planning my next trip there in the springtime. The weather will be a lot nicer, but more people will be there. :(

I think this trip to Paris definitely made me miss and appreciate my love for Seattle a much more because these past two quarters for me (I mean fall 2014 and spring 2014) were kind of the best quarters I could have ever had. For me Seattle has become a second home because I feel welcome, I dont feel judged, I feel like I can dress however I want and not be looked down on, and the list goes on. Don't get me wrong I still want to continue traveling and experience new places, but there's this feeling I get when I talk about how much passion I have for something and pretty recently I've been dying to make art that portrays that because I feel like once everyone has a passion for something they know that feeling, and I believe that abstract feeling CAN be something that connects all of us. That's what I think is possible.

Wine...French Wine

But yeah, my mind right now is in that place and I'm still doing my thing. Continue to do yours.

Going to Paris!

River in Grenoble, France

Whoa...I'm going to Paris...I'm going to Paris...

Going to Paris has been one of my dreams for a very longtime and it is finally coming true. For me it's not about seeing the Eiffel Tower, or the Arc de Triumph, although those things are important, but I have always wanted to simply be there and experience this grand city in France where a large amount of history and more specifically, artistic history has taken place. Just absorbing the feelings and the sights of Paris will be a treat within itself.

Annecy, France

For this first trip, I say "first" because I plan to go again, I will be going for 3 days. In these 3 days I plan to go see Versailles, go to the Musée d'Orsay, I believe, and see the Eiffel Tower of course. Since Paris is such a large and rich city, I unfortunately can only do so many things within 3 days. But I'm happy to be doing what was planned. 

I hope that this entire experience is worth while because this has been something I've wanted to do for such a long time and I hope that if I like it enough, I can return, possibly for work. 

Have you ever really wanted a dream of yours to come true that you'd work so hard to make it happen, that it was almost insane what you'd do?

Well, while I don't think I'd do ANYTHING, I would do a lot. Right now, as the semester is beginning for me and things are getting started I am noticing all that I can do. What I mean by that is since my problems have been put into perspective, I have had an epiphany of sorts to what I consider "hard" to really be. 

Annecy, France

For example, back home in the states I would avoid doing certain things because I had a "fear" of the result or of all the possible things that could go wrong. Think "being led by our insecurities" sort of thing (credit of Tiarah Tucker). But after being here, I realized that those things aren't anything compared to doing it in a different language. When you have difficulty communicating things in everyday life, I have to reflect on the simplest things. For example, if I'm hungry and I want to try out this new restaurant, first I think, "Well, you're going to have to go out of your comfort zone and try speak French without them knowing that you don't speak French". And then I think, "Well, what if they try and have a conversation with me?", "What if they speak too fast and I have to ask them to repeat themselves several times over?", "What if they realize that I'm an American and hate me just because of that?" And the rest continues....But I realize if I let those thoughts continue to fill my head, I will never get to try the food at the restaurant and am left with, "what if?"

Lake in Annecy, France

Now that's a very not serious example of something that can be very hindering at times and probably there are people out there who have studied abroad and said, "I have never had that problem", Well, you're not me so...leave....Anyways my point is that if I continue to have little bursts of bravery like that on the daily, how much potential do I have to do things on a large scale? This is such a great mindset to be in because the possibilities are unlimited. 

I hope this mindset continues. Even when those obstacles come.

Now...PARIS!

CELUI QUI TOMBE-

Wow. What a night and what a way to finish this week.

Tonight I was lucky enough to see <<CELUI QUI TOMBE>> a spectacle that combined, "Conception, miss en scène et scénographie" by Yoann Bourgeois. 

Stuff!

This was awesome. So much action, no speaking, and a short song, created a cool experience and a heightened atmosphere in my opinion. For me, when there isn't any text, the audience must rely on other things to tell the story. They  must rely on what they perceive  in order to create their own interpretation of what the actors are trying to communicate. That's why I love cirque. It's different, but can be very powerful. With amazing acrobats/actors, I hope to see more stuff while here in France and hopefully more at MC2.

Inside the MC2 Theatre

In addition to the show, I also think that while I've only been here for two weeks, I am foreseeing how awesome this trip can be. I know it's simple to think that when you're in another country you'll do everything and travel and have loads of fun, but when you have to live in another country where you can speak the language, but you're not perfect at it, simple things become scary. But you can't let that keep you from making the most out of your experience. 

I think that's what I'm learning, for now. 

It was kind of a challenge for me to get up the courage and go to this show by myself, but I'm happy I went! And I want to go to another show. 

The Set

Just like seeing a show is it's own experience, because each show is not completely the same as the one before or after it, each experience I have has a meaning and something to remember about it as well. There was a point in the show when they transformed the giant platform into a giant swing and it was amazing seeing the acrobats/actors get knocked down, but then get back up. Dodge it and then get hit again. It's cheesy, but that's life...It can be like a giant platform swinging back and forth and it's up to you to either continue dodging it and continue getting knocked down, or getting knocked down by it, but having the courage to try and get on it and take control.

That's how I see it.

Well. Here is another show that I think I want to go to. We'll see.

Today I Discovered that My Window Opens-

Window in my room

Sunday was a very slow day, but a good one.

I stayed home because I had to finish a good amount of homework, but that meant I couldn't go to the peaceful demonstration that almost every city in France had for those who were killed that worked for the CHARLIE HEBDO newspaper in Paris. I still was able to see on TV the 1.5 million people who visited Paris for the march. What a day.

Still, even though I stayed home, I was able to find out that the window that is in my room actually DOES open. When I stand on my chair and look out I have a great view. So beautiful. 

However, today was an eye opening day for myself as well. 
French, at the beginning, is easy for everyone, the simple memorization of vocabulary and then regurgitation on a test is basically what you learn. Then after that comes past tense, then after that more complicated grammar, etc. etc. And it's getting (or it is) pretty difficult at this point because you're re-learning how to communiate and not only that, but French is a lot more structured than the English language. 

View from my room

For me, it's a matter of not getting too down when mistakes are made and not making things too complicated. I find that everyone has their own hurdles that they need overcome when learning something new. But on a larger scale I feel that while attempting to learn one giant thing we tend to learn little things along the way. "It's not the destination, it's the journey"....if you must understand it that way... 

That phrase is bit cliché and it's been used too much in my opinion...

Like this entire trip I find myself asking, "Why am I here?", "What am I doing?", and while these seem like obvious questions that have obvious answers, really, there not all that simple. When you're at college and taking a class to become whatever it is that you want to be, WHY? Because it will please your parents? Because you are actually passionate about that job? Because you want to help people, maybe?

Whatever it is, you then must remember that that's your journey and you will have your own war with all it's internal battles to overcome. So why do we judge others based on their journey? Because it's not yours? Because you don't agree with it?

Other view from my room

I think this thought has some correlation with what happened in Paris, France recently. It was great how during the march, great leaders were able to put aside their differences for this moment of unity because, when something that significant like that happens, people are put back into perspective about what really matters. 

So! Bringing it back, just like this trip and my journey during this trip, I'm trying to learn and experience with every single day and if something happens or I make a mistake it's okay. It's just a bump in a road that's 3 miles long. This also means letting others have their own journey. But in the end we all experienced France together. 


Hopefully having this mindset will continue and keep me going.

Abroad in Grenoble-The Things I Ponder.

Well I'm here.                                         Jan. 10, 2015

To be frank, it hasn't hit me yet that I am here; in a completely different country on a completely different continent, and I don't think that it really will. I see things differently in that way,  suppose. For me, being abroad isn't so much about realizing where I am in the world, but noticing and picking up on the differences between here and the United States. 

And really it's the little things...

For example, I notice that one always says, "bonjour" constantly before entering a store or entering a restaurant. Or, that things are so much smaller than in the U.S. For instance, the spacing out of this city is different than the spacing out in Seattle. Alley ways are much more narrow and sidewalks are much more narrow as well. 

Again, It's the little things.

Grounds at the Musée de la Revolution Française

 But as much as things have changed and as much "Culture Shock" as I am experiencing right now, I am glad that I made this trip. The reason for that is not because I'm going to discover and accomplish a life long dream (although simply coming to France was a dream for me already), but it's more about being lucky enough to experience another culture and becoming sensitive to them and their lifestyle and beliefs. I think that everyone should have this experience. By simply placing oneself in an uncomfortable situation such as this, it's difficult, but so beneficial. It's as if you're learning everything all over again because everything is completely new. You wonder, 

Grounds at the Musée de la Revolution Française

-"How am I supposed to order a cup of coffee as politely as possible?" 

-"If I make a mistake, will they get mad?"

-"What if they continue to talk to me? And what if I don't understand?"

-"That kid over there speaks better French than I do and he's probably no older than 2.."

So many things have run through my mind just being here for 1-2 weeks. But overall, the largest "thought of the day" that I have been pondering is why people don't do things like this more often? I think back to the international students at Seattle University or even international students who came to my high school. They had courage. This isn't easy. One forgets how easily turning on the TV and listening in another room is. Because when you switch languages, watching TV is no longer a relaxing luxury, but something you have to focus on to just get an IDEA of what they're talking about. 

Experiencing another language and culture is such an amazing opportunity, but overall I want to continue putting myself in uncomfortable experiences because I know it will help me grow. The point is to keep going and face every challenge that comes, even though others may not understand. It's about how this experience can shape you as a person and because of that, how you then choose to live your life and treat others because of past experiences. 

France is amazing and the people are amazing. But I still have 98% of a 6 month trip to go. I've just started my journey. Lets see where I end up.

                              -Reiko.